The Monkey's Folly
by Desdemona Kakalose
Summary: One more petty argument, and L's ready to try a new method. In the style of old Jesus and Aesop themselves, a fable can save the day. Maybe. NearxMello. sarcasm and so on. oneshot.


The Monkey's Folly - a fable story

_Warning: metaphores, shortness, VERY minor cussing, and a little bit of gay at the end (but if you dislike yaoi, you can just read up untill my _warning_ and end it there, 'k?) _

_--_

L looked up from his desk. The two rivals stood side-by-side in front of him, staring intently as if he were some sort of idol god.

Brilliant.

Only six o'clock in the evening and here were these two, yet _again_, just like every day the last week, and the week before, and before. Except for Tuesdays. God, what would the genius do if not for Tuesday?

And no matter what happened, they always got sent to _him_. Apparently they wouldn't listen to anyone else. Oh, the burden of charisma. Or so he liked to tell himself.

"So..." the elder teen eyed his charges over steepled fingers. "What mischief have you gotten yourselves into this time?"

The blond one widened his eyes in a laughable attempt at piety. "I didn't do nothin'." he insisted.

The old man looming behind him filled in "Mello here kicked down Near's block tower. Then he proceeded to rant uncontrollably over some minor insult, and I don't really know what it was."

"This prat says I'm not smart enough to be L!" the Polish boy defended.

"You are not," agreed the albino without even glancing at his companion, "You are far too rash, and far too loud."

"Hey, bastard," Mello grabbed his adversary by the collar, "At least I talk! They keep sayin' you're smart, but it looks more like you're retarded to me."

"It isn't necessary for me to defend myself under such juvenile accusations."

"Yeah? Well it sounds to me like you don't know HOW!"

The detective watched the unfolding argument with a hint of amusement, but when his impulsive prodigy picked up a stapler, he knew it was time to intervene. L stood.

"Near," he began, gently plucking the potentially dangerous weapon from the other's grip, "If I deduce correctly, Mello became angry when you refused to defend yourself, and subsequently demolished your structure. Am I correct?"

"You are." assented the youngest.

"Ah, well then, perhaps Mello needs a lesson in discretion, eh?" the tired teen looked to said troublemaker.

"If you think so L," he hesitantly consented, unable to refuse his idol.

"Ah, then in light of my indulgent mood, I shall utilize the ancient teaching method of all great masters. Have a seat. Agreed?"

Both boys nodded and took a seat on the floor.

"Long ago, in the days before men built cities or bottled water, animals ruled the Earth. Once, under the reign of the Dragon King, there was a fiercely vain Monkey serving in the court.

Monkey thought himself more handsome and wise than any other attendant, and made sure to let everyone know - and none too quietly either.

Monkey viewed Rat, high advisor to the Dragon King, with disdain. The small, white lump of fur was decidedly unimpressive to the haughty Monkey, who was quite loud with his disapproval.

'Rat is so boring!' he would proclaim, 'I don't know _why_ Dragon King keeps him around. I would be a _much_ better choice.'

And with each rant, the simian would become just a little more unsatisfied, as he fed his ego and critisized Rat's every quality. A day came when he could no longer stand it, and he marched up to the King's throne.

'I beg your pardon, oh great and mighty King, but if your majesty knows what's best for him, he'll drop Rat like a sack of potatoes, and pick a better candidate... like me.' Monkey flashed a winning grin.

The Dragon King raised a brow, but being a just king, agreed to hear him out. He looked over at Rat with a questioning eye.

"If Monkey truly thinks he can do a better job..." the rodent trailed off with a tiny, patronizing smirk. Enraged, Monkey stormed off to prepare his argument.

The following morning, the hall was filled with chattering and whoops as the animal kingdom fought for the best vantage point of the upcoming showdown. They 'oooh'ed and 'aahhh'ed over Monkey's swagger and perfectly groomed coat.

Brimming with confidence, the simian jumped onto the stage and launched into a digressing speech. It was a fairly pointless, and an annoyingly long, rant-–one full of sound and fury, but meaningless in the end.

The crowd shuffled nervously and averted their eyes, embarrassed on their fellow courtier's behalf. Finally, the loud speech drew to a close and Monkey strode back to his seat, throwing a let's-see-if-you-can-do-better wink over his furry shoulder to his rival.

Serene Rat, small though he was, skittered down the aisle and up to Dragon King's seat. With not a moment's hesitation, the original advisor leaned over and spoke five words ever-so-quietly into the ruler's ear. The whole room fell deadly silent, strained to hear.

The eyes of Dragon King grew wide and then he smiled brilliantly. He clapped his great claws together, declaring 'I have my winner!.'

The loser's jaw dropped as the crowd went wild, each creature assuring Rat that they had _always_ known he'd win. Poor Monkey slunk into the corners and waited for the uproar to die down.

One tiring hour later Rat dragged himself back to his quarters, only to find his former rival shifting awkwardly next to the door.

'...Hi,' Monkey began in a strained manner, '...so... If you're not too ego-inflated to let me in on the secret... what _did_ you say to the king?'

Rat broke out into one of his oh-so-very rare smiles and replied: '"As your majesty wishes it."'

And the moral is: 'He who speaks the loudest, is by no means the wisest'."

The two boys stared at their mentor for a moment, lost for words.

What can you say to that?

"A good parable always does the trick, eh?" L spun his chair around like a small child, the movement breaking whatever spell he'd woven over the enchanted youths.

The old man was the first to laugh, a whole hearted jolly sound that lit up his wrinkled face. "Alright, my animal friends, you best move along. I think our work here is completed." He pulled each of the enemies to their feet, respectively, and out the door, winking at his student over their heads.

"I don't know how much good it'll do in the long run," mused the lone youth from his slowly spinning chair, "but it should keep them calm if only for tonight."

Outside his door, the two boys were left alone. Mello glanced sidelong at his fellow whiz-kid.

"I would like to call a truce, for this evening, if Mello doesn't mind." offered the pale child, doggedly staring ahead.

"Uh... alright... But just 'cause I don't feel like picking on you after that story. Clear?" demanded the second boy.

"Crystal," replied the first serenely.

_(here's that warning I mentioned)_

"Alright then." He looked around carefully to make sure no one was in hearing or sight range, "and... I do sort of feel bad for the tower... 'cause it didn't do anything to me, y'know?"

"Yes..." said Near, not daring to hope for civility (But praying just the same).

"Um... I don't have anything a freak like you would want so..." the blond boy spun his rival so that they were face to face.

"This'll have to do" he muttered.

He leaned in and smashed their lips together, none to gently. He held it for a moment, pretty much clueless on how to proceed, but enjoying the sensation all the same.

Blotches of color flew past Near's eyes, and he dizily thought that he might faint. Oh, but it was _quite_ nice. It seemed that for once, on this matter, they were in agreement.

"But," the blond boy continued, as they finally broke apart, "if you tell anyone about this, I'll break _more_ than your tower, got it?"

Near barely managed to nod, before Mello continued on his way, satisfied.

"And hey," he threw over his retreating shoulder, "maybe we can do this again sometime, if you don't piss me off too much."

As the older boy turned the corner, passing from sight, the ghost-like protegee furtivly prayed. He prayed that every good thing which might come into his life be passed on to his rival. _Anything_ that would bring that fabulous burning sensation back to him.

"Thank you for the story, L," he said distantly, and started off to his room.

"You're welcome," grinned the eaves-dropper from behind his doorway.

END

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I'm pretty happy with this. It's maybe a _little_ OOC, but then again, this is them when they're younger - NOT cannon age. So it's not the exact same person you're used to.

Funfact- the fable was actually written for a bonus class assignment. My teacher is fantabulous, and she totally loved it. As I wrote, I found the Mouse morphing into Near, and the Monkey into Mello. So, y'know, I had to do this.

And! Look how L subtly inflates his own ego! He's the master of satire. all worship.

Please review 3


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